children of an alternate opening

[britomart_is]

ninhursag: Now for the most important question of allllll. Homosexual abortion-- better than assbabies?
britomart_is:STOP DISCRIMINATING AGAINST THE ASSBABIES, YOU BIGOT. THEY'RE PEOPLE, TOO!!!1!!1eleventy
ninhursag:I think by using the term assbabies we demean our discussion. I think from now on we should refer to them as children of an alternate opening.

For the root of this madness, I refer you to this post and comments.



The Fandom Free Clinic, Room 202


Katie crossed her ankles primly. "I don't even understand why I have to be here. My dad was genderswapped when he had me. That is so not the same as all of them. I came out of a pussy, okay? I'm not an assbaby."

All eyes turned to the other side of the room when Henry finally uncurled from the tense, nail-biting little ball he'd been sitting in throughout the session. "Can we-- can we not use that word, please?"

"What word, Henry? Tell us more," the group facilitator asked calmly, peering at him over her clipboard.

"Assbabies. It's so mean. Couldn't we say something else?" Henry's eyes darted quickly from face to face, seeking support.

"Well, it's what you are," Katie said smugly.

Henry flushed with rage. "Yeah, well at least my dads aren't related!"

A clamor of voices broke out as each member of the support group joined the argument, children of sibling incest insulting the children of daddycest, genderswap babies taking potshots at the more literal assbabies. A chair was knocked over, fists were clenched-- the situation was getting out of control.

"That's enough!" The facilitator's voice broke through the clamor. "In your seats!" Her eyes blazed. The kids returned to their seats, forced down by the weight of her glare.

"All right. Let's just get one thing straight, okay?" she continued. "We're all assbabies here. We come here together to support each other, not to argue who's better, or how we're different. No one in this room has anything to be ashamed of."

The facilitator cleared her throat, smoothing the lines of her skirt. A professional smile returned to her face. She turned to a fragile-looking boy who was slumped in a chair at the farthest end of the room, bundled in a black hoodie with dark bags under his eyes.

"So, Ryan-- last time you were telling us that you were having difficulty dealing with being the product of non-consensual sex between your demon-possessed grandfather and his son. Can we return to that subject?"


Later:

"No, you know what?" Carla uncrossed her arms and glared daggers at the rest of the room. "I agree with Henry. The term 'assbaby' is discriminatory. What about those of us who are the physiologically impossible progeny of fangirl copulation?"

Comments

[lazy-daze.livejournal.com]

OMG AHAAHAHAOSKFJGDLSFGDLHGDLGH AWESOME XD *has your physiologically impossible progeny*

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

Yayyyyy!
I'm sure our impossible progeny will be hot. And pervy.

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

:D

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

AssbabiesChildren of an alternate opening: perpetual source of snarky entertainment.

[littlestarling.livejournal.com]

You are just too funny!

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

It's terrible when we get fangirls together in person, this kind of thing is the result.
:D

[ninhursag.livejournal.com]

Damn those copulating fangirls, distorting our terminology with their... ways.

Hee.

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

*glee*

[kkscatnip.livejournal.com]

Love, love, love!!!

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

We are so progressive with our new terminology.

[kkscatnip.livejournal.com]

One of us HAS to bring a notebook next Sunday *_*

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

Oh, hell yes.
*frantic scribbling*

[virginie-m.livejournal.com]

Yout brains are so twisty and clever.

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

Why, thank you. I think "twisty" is key here.

[causeways.livejournal.com]

Okay, this right here? This is why you are COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY AWESOME. Demon-possessed grandfather! *dies laughing*

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

GLEE.
I really couldn't resist.
*brings you smelling salts*
*draws hearts around you*

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

YAYE. \o/

[gottalovev.livejournal.com]

LOL! that is hilarious! =D

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

*cackles mischievously*

[ifyouweremine.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA ILU OMG! #dies#

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

*grin*

OK......

[kminxus.livejournal.com]

You girls are such f*ckin' freaks! I feel right at home. So the characters in this group therapy session, did y'all make them up or are those kids from real stories? Because I'd LOVE to read the stories behind Katie and Ryan! -K:)

Re: OK......

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, glad you enjoyed the crack! They're totally made up, so let your imagination run wild with those two. :D

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Oh man. So much crack. Children of an alternate opening. Like Children of a lesser god, but less classy.

SHIT!!!! !!! I cant get this stupid grin off my face !

[cakesandwitch.livejournal.com]

AHAH-HA. Talk about a therapist's wet dream.

Re: SHIT!!!! !!! I cant get this stupid grin off my face !

[britomart-is.livejournal.com]

Hah! INDEED.